Merry Crisis

I don’t always have the best self-image. Years and years have been spend on struggling to achieve the so called ‘true self’ I oversee what really matters. Throw in a jolly good range of persona, having this performative part of me depends on who I am dealing with. Depends of how much amount of me is safe to be shown. Thinking on whether I just wanna be liked in general; being aware of oneself or this is pure self-sabotaging tendency. But now I lived long enough to know that at the end of the day, all we have is ourself. All there is and especially the irrational part of us; every highs and lows. That series of annoying doubts I have at 3 AM. Criticizing every step I had through out the day. Is my expression alright? Why the fuck did I say that earlier? Am I on the right track? Am I being too much? Or too little? Am I enough? And the list goes on.

I should have know earlier that heck, other people are just people. Literally, they are a piece of walking meat that happens to talk and have feelings too. They have flaws. Their insecurities, their fear of failure, their escapist tendencies, their fucked up mind too.

With every milestones we achieved, one thing is for sure: It won’t get easier. Life won’t get easier. And having people around just add up to the mess we are doomed to faced. Because true, we are the people we seek. We are the people we look forward to. We are the very person we put our mind into. So next time you have people fall into your orbit, the ones you let in to your little, messy, rollercoaster ride you called life, make sure those people are here to stay, to share the same crazy energy as you are and push you to get out of your way and unlearn everything you’ve known. Because this time, it would be different. This time, I want it to be worth it.